SCHOOL-CENTRO
AREA
ACTIVIDAD-ACTIVITY
PROFESOR-TEACHER/S
ENGLISH LANGUAGE DEPARTMENT
Selection of JOKES made or retold by our students:
In the court of a mental hospital there was a group of interns who were laughing at intervals.
The director who was doing his rounds brings onlooker over to see that it was what was happening.
On having approached, he sees that a madman says a number: twelve!, and immediately the rest of the group
begins to laugh. On having finished the guffaws of the group, other of those about the group says
another number: thirty two!, obtaining, again, the same result of the group there congregated,
which free with laughter. The director asks them:
What is happening? What one of his patients answers him:
We are telling jokes.
Even more curious, the director comments:
But if only they are saying numbers!
To what the same patient explains to him:
What it spends is that we know so many jokes, which we have enumerated
to save ourselves the time to count them.
Reflecting on this explanation, the director decides to prove his luck
and says:
To seeing, eighteen!
To what it doesn´t receive any response of the group, but an absolute
silence.
Surprised it tries again:
Twenty-two!
Obtaining the same silent reaction. Desperated begins to say numbers
one after other without managing to extract to any of his interns the minor smile, until finally he asks them:
But what happens? I have told to them several jokes and nobody laughs!
And one of the madmen answers him:
What happens is that you don´t have grace to count them!
Silvia 2 BXY
During the breakfast, the wife comments on his(her,your) husband:
" If my mother comes to live with us, we will have to change to a bigger house ".
" Hmmm, why? Sooner or later he(she) will find us! "
Paula 2BH
Elizabeth´s joke:
A
baby polar bear asks his mother "Mom, am I 100% polar bear?" The mother looks
up in thought, and replies "Well, your father is 100% polar bear, and I'm 100%
polar bear, so I'd say yes, you're 100% polar bear."
Not satisfied with this answer, the baby polar bear go to his father and asks
"Daddy, am I 100% polar bear?" The father pauses, and responds "Well, your
mom's parents were both 100% polar bear, and my parents were both 100% polar
bear, so yes, you're 100% polar bear."
The father then looks at his son and says "why do you ask?"
The son replies "because I'm FREEZING!!!!"
Clara´s joke:
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached
a comfortable cruising altitud, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is
good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit
back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of
coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
pants!"
A passenger in the plane said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of
mine!"
A doctor with a mean sense of humor goes to meet her new patient in the exam room. First thing she says: "Well, Mr. Smith, as we discussed, you will experience some short-term memory loss."
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Cristina 2BX
Walking on the street.
It was the eight in the morning, a Sunday, in the summer, and three youngest were walking by the way.
There is anybody in the streets yet. About the names of the boys I won’t to say, but about the situation
of the boys, I have to say that they were drunk. The night had been wild.
An hour before, Curro was jumping in the middle of a disco, Jano was crying about the war in the world,
and I was dancing with many girls (all around me). In this time Curro remembered that the train was in
only ten minutes.
Oh!, Shit, It’s impossible!- I took Jano and we start to run very quickly. Two minutes later, Curro shouted:
- Fuck! My wallet!!!!!- and he returned.
Jano and I went run to the station, and finally, we arrived and bought the pass.
When the train was closing the doors, Curro appeared and said: - I’m dying.
In three seconds, we got asleep. 20 minutes later, the reviser woke up us and we arrived to Boo de Pielagos.
I have my moto near of Boo, and my house was 2 km more or less.
Curro said: - It is eight o'clock, who is going to plunder us? Then, we were to look for the motorcycle.
And I though: - One moto, two places, two helmets and three drunks persons? Oh! mi god!, we are crazy.
Curro said: - Ores, the police is sleep, and besides…. It’s Sunday.
Walking and walking we leave at the moto. I was afraid, but all was surrealist and I accept it.
Jano and I took the helmets, and curro sit in the middle of us.
In this time, I start the moto, and suddenly curro said: - the police, the police abort the mission.-
and logically I didn’t believe it. Then I heard the “bocina” of a car, and I thought: Oh mi god!!! It’s impossible,
it’s 8 o’clock. No, please the police no!!!
Of course, a Patrol of the Guardia Civil stopped the car in front of us, and two agents started to laugh.
I said:- So sorry, I’m confused, I lived in a 1 km of here, I promise do two trips and I will never do again.
-Of course-, said the police, and they said that we was carefully. Then they started the car and they went.
- Uffffffffffffff- said the three, and I did two trips.
Finally, we arrived at home about 9 o’ clock and we made a big “dinner”. Anybody wants to sleep,
and we decided to see the best scene of the history of the film.
We put the DVD of Apocalypse’s now, and we take the scene of the beach.
It was the perfect way to finish a magnify summer night.
Orestes 2bx
There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman
sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"
The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look
about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66. How about you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too." "Where did you go to college?"
"Beloit, in Wisconsin."
"No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this . . ."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you won't
believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same high school as me, graduated the same year I did,
and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much.
The Johnson twins are drunk again”
Jenifer 2bh
Apparently this woman's miniature schnauzer had an infection in its ear. The vet told her that it was due to an ingrown hair and that the best treatment would be to remove the hair with a depilatory cream.
The woman went to a drug store and asked the druggist for assistance in selecting an appropriate product. He went on explaining that some were better for use on legs and others were gentler and better for removing facial hair.
He then said, "May I ask where you intend to use this?" She replied timidly, "Well, it's for my... schnauzer." He advised her, "OK, but you shouldn't ride a bike for two weeks."
2. Once upon a time, there was a woman working
at a
lingerie store.
One day a customer came to the counter and asked for a pair of
frilly orange panties. She said she'd like to
buy them, and added:
"But only if you can
embroider "If you can
read this, you're too close", on the back."
So, the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in back, and
described the rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "Well, she sounds like a
stick-in-the-mud, but I can do that. Does she
want
block letters or
script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know exactly, she went back around to the
counter, and asked:
"Do you want that in block letters or script?"
With a
broad smile, the customer
replied: "Braille."
An Italian, a Frenchman and a Spaniard went for a job interview in England. Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.
The Italian was the first: “I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day.”
The Frenchman was next: “I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.”
Last one was the Spanish man: I wake up in the morning, “I hear the phone “green…green…”, I pink up the phone and I say “yellow?”
Borja
Teacher:”if you have 49 cents in one pocket and 53 cents in the other, what do you have?”
Boy:”Someone else’s trousers!!”
Teacher:”if you have 49 cents in one pocket and 53 cents in the other, what do you have?”
Boy:”Someone else’s trousers!!”
Marina.
The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking
through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue
and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says,
"Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.
After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action.
The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!"
The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action.
The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop."
The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get
the taste out of my mouth."
Andrea
-why don't we have dinner in your house, Manolo?
-no no because my wife is ill.
-no matter. we will eat another thing.
Laura
- How many children has your uncle got now?
- I haven't see him since yesterday. He had 25 or 30 then.
- I guess the stork is familiar with his house ?
- The stork was very careful at first. He'd fly over the house, land on the roof and bring them down the chimney. Now, he just yells down and says:
Come on and get them!
There are Mr. Smith and another younger man, and the man said:
- Good morning! I have come to ask for your daughter's hand.
- Have you been with my wife yet? - said Mr. Smith.
- Yes, but I prefer your daugther.
"BH- Marta
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